If Words Alone
by Tialys
Summary: A collection of hobbit short stories. All-dialogue.
1. Eaten by the Forest

"Eaten by the Forest" by Tialys

* * *

"Alright, Sam? The ferry's not going to tip over, you know."

"Hm? Oh, I know, Mr. Merry."

"Of course you do! Then what, may I ask, are you looking back at? It's a bit too dark to see anything worth seeing this far downriver."

"It might be, Mr. Merry, but to me it seems that all I could hope to see behind is nicer by far than anythin' up ahead of us, beggin' your pardon."

"My pardon is yours, Sam. Now, really, what is so terrible about what lies before us? I'm sure you'll like Crickhollow and, though I am really not knowledgeable in gardening, the plots there seemed quite nice -- though I'm sure you could easily make them better."

"Thank 'ee, Mr. Merry, but, in case you've forgotten, we're not exactly _stayin'_ at Crickhollow long enough for any of that to matter."

"Right... goodness, how could I forget that?"

"Who'd _want_ to remember?"

"Maybe... Pip! Move to the left, will you? You're tipping the ferry. _Sit_, Sam. All's fine."

"If I remember correctly, sir, you said the ferry would not tip over."

"Well, not when we are all spaced properly and not jumping about."

"Mr. Merry, Pippin is on the ferry, you know?"

"Yes, Sam, but I just handled that, did I not?"

"We're all going to die..."

"Not yet, we're not, Sam. Cheer up! Have you been across the river before?"

"No, sir, I've never been this far from Hobbiton."

"You'll like it, Sam. You will."

"Mr. Merry?"

"Hm?"

"How far have you been?"

"Away? Well... just through the forest, really."

"The -- Are we going through _there_?!"

"Well, of course, Sam. It's the best way."

"How is through there the _best_?"

"Sam, I highly doubt that whatever is following my dear cousin would dare try going through there. Only Bucklanders know the right paths through there and most others are too frightened anyway."

"Goodness, I wonder why _that_ is?"

"Very funny, Sam."

"I try, sir."

"Sam, you haven't told me. Where is Fr --"

"Shh! Not so loud, sir. We're all on the small ferry, you know."

"Sorry. Sorry. Sam, where is Frodo going after we get through the forest? He --"

"Bree."

"Bree? Why?"

"Mr. Gandalf's supposed to be meetin' us there, seein' as how he never showed up here."

"No?"

"No. It shook Mr. Frodo up a bit, but he's sure Mr. Gandalf will be there when we arrive."

"And if he's not?"

"I... I'm not sure."

"Oh. Ah, well. We'll see what we'll see. I wouldn't worry about it yet."

"Aye. We still haven't gotten through this forest of yours. I promise you, sir, if a tree attacks you I'll only say I told you it would."

"Oh, don't worry about me Sam. Though I would watch out myself if I were you. The forest doesn't hold strangers in high regard."

"Sir!"

"Oh Sam, you should see your face!"

"Just wait, sir. We'll see who gets caught by a tree and eaten."

"There you go, Sam. Your bright future before you!"

"You're hopeless."

"Maybe. Of course, that's only if you _make_ it to the forest without dropping over dead from this simple ferry trip."

"Just keep your cousin still and we'll all be fine, sir."

"Yes... we will be fine, Sam. We'll make sure of it."

"That we will, sir."

* * *

May 19, 2004


	2. Adapting

"Adapting" by Tialys

* * *

"Merry, you know you don't have to go with me, even if you _have_ found out what I'm doing."

"Of course, Frodo. You really don't think I'm doing this for the fun of it, do you?"

"No, Merry, and that's not what I meant."

"It never is. Hand me that shirt, cousin. The blue one."

"It's not yours."

"I know, I'm stealing it."

"What?"

"It's Pippin's. I'm packing for him."

"I'm not sure he would like that, Merry. He's been getting particular about doing things for himself lately."

"He won't know, he's already fallen asleep on the couch in there."

"Been a while since he's traveled?"

"Like this? Yes."

"Merry, it's only going to get worse for him, and us."

"He'll toughen up, Frodo. It'll do him good. Besides, I don't think you could change his mind now."

"No, but I can leave before he wakes up."

"You wouldn't do that to him! He'd follow you anyway, so you might as well not try."

"Yes, he would, wouldn't he?"

"You're getting up early enough as it is."

"Oh dear... How early, you crazy Brandybuck?"

"Nothing to get all upset about, cousin. Four at the earliest."

"Four! Merry, I don't even know if I am _capable _of rising at four!"

"Well, we shall find out, won't we?"

"I knew there was a reason I didn't want you to come."

"You know you love me, Frodo."

"Perhaps... and perhaps I can tie you to your bed tonight and gag you! I shall not be rising at four!"

"Half past."

"Merry --"

"Final offer."

"You are cruel, Meriadoc, very cruel."

"I try. Brush, if you please?"

"Of course..."

"Ouch! Frodo! _Stars_ that hurt!"

"Stop cursing, Merry."

"You will be doing it in the morning."

"With good reason."

"A brush striking my head is perfect reason!"

"Yes, I'm sure your head was quite surprised at the sight of a brush, seeing as how it hasn't seen one since -- ow!"

"And now your head has seen one as well, cousin."

"_Eru_... just hand me that blanket, Merry."

"With pleasure, cousin."

"Fool Brandybuck."

"Do you think we should wake Pippin?"

"Do you think we haven't already?"

"Frodo --"

"No, let him sleep. If we are to be up at such rude hours of the night he will need all the rest he can get."

"You as well."

"Yes, I suppose..."

"I saw that yawn, cousin. Go on, you're the one who has been walking all day. I'll finish up here and you can check it in the morning."

"Thank you, Merry. I believe I will turn in."

"Goodnight, cousin."

"Merry?"

"Hm?"

"Do you really believe we shall ever adapt to this?"

"Oh, we shall, cousin. We'll toughen you up yet!"

"Goodnight, Merry."

"Sweet dreams!"

"Until you come."

"Of course!"

"Goodnight."

"...Goodnight, Frodo."

* * *

May 18, 2004


	3. Never Had To Ask

"Never Had to Ask" by Tialys

* * *

"Merry? Are you awake?"

"I am _now_, Pip."

"Oh, sorry."

"What do you want?"

"Merry?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think we'll really have to use these?"

"It's _night_, Pip, I can't see. Use what things?"

"These swords Strider gave us."

"It's late, Pip. Why the questions?"

"Well, we've been walking for days and haven't seen anyone. Why give them to us now?"

"I don't know, it must be some odd thing men do. Go to sleep."

"Merry?"

"_What_, Pip?"

"Do you think he saw something we didn't?"

"Who?"

"Strider, of course!"

"I don't know... maybe he just gave them to us because he was tired of carrying them himself. Go to sleep."

"_I_ think he used his ranger skills to look really far away and he saw a huge pack of dogs -- no, wolves! -- coming and he gave us these and we're going to have a big battle with them tomorrow and... Merry? Are you awake?"

"Yes, Pippin."

"Merry? If the wolves come... you'll fight them, won't you?"

"Yes."

"You'll win, right? I mean... you're stronger than any wolf."

"I'm not sure about that, Pippin."

"But you will, right?"

"I don't know, Pip. Maybe. Depends how big of a wolf."

"Oh."

"_Goodnight_."

"Merry?"

"Hm?"

"What if they're _big_ wolves?"

"Pip, there aren't any wolves --"

"But the swords! --"

"Pip, Strider just gave them to us because we've stopped in a more visible spot than we have before and he was tired of carrying around four little swords! There are no wolves following us nor anything else for that matter! Go to sleep now."

"Promise?"

"Yes! Goodnight!"

"Merry?"

"...What?"

"I'll protect you when the wolves come."

"Thank you, Pip."

"_Well?_"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to protect _me_?!"

"_Yes_, Pippin. I'll protect you from the wolves."

"... Thank you, Merry."

"Pippin?"

"Yes?"

"Did you... _really_ have to --"

"No, silly!"

"Oh..."

"I never had to ask, Merry."

"I know, Pip. I know."

* * *

May 18, 2004


	4. A Fine Party

"A Fine Party" by Tialys

* * *

"Mr. Frodo?"

"Yes, Sam."

"Was it always this dark?"

"When?"

"Always. Like the day before. I mean, was it _this_ dark. I know it's always been dark... just, not like this it seemed."

"I can't remember, Sam. Moria will always be dark now. I don't think it will ever be lit again like it once was."

"It must've been quite a sight when all the dwarves were here."

"Yes... I imagine it was."

"Torches all around the walls -- and around these great pillars, too. I bet they weren't cold like this when they had torches on 'em."

"No. They couldn't have been."

"It's a shame. I'd have loved to see it fully; all lit up and clean. Dwarves all livin' here -- and those feasts Gimli talked about."

"I would have liked to see it, too, Sam."

"I bet they couldn't throw a party like those Mr. Bilbo had."

"None have parties like Bilbo."

"I bet they couldn't eat as much neither."

"No. Probably not."

"Do you think the Shire's still havin' parties, Mr. Frodo?"

"I don't know why they wouldn't."

"Not grand ones like Mr. Bilbo's."

"No, but parties, still."

"If they aren't, do you think it'd be this cold there."

"In the Shire?"

"Aye."

"Why, Sam?"

"Why what?"

"Why all the questions?"

"W-- No reason really, sir. I just..."

"Sam."

"Yessir?"

"I'm sure the Shire is having many parties. With lights all up in the trees, and music... and enough food to go around and fill up the hungriest hobbit there."

"I'll bet it's not this cold there -- or this dark."

"It wouldn't be a party if it was, Sam."

"Mr. Frodo?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"It's going to stay that way, right? The Shire could never be like..."

"It won't be, Sam. We won't let it."

"Aye... we won't."

"We won't."

"What if we're not there, sir? We're not there now. What if --"

"Then we'll just have to fix it, Sam."

"Yes... of course. Fix it."

"You know, Mr. Frodo, it might be a good thing we're not there now, at those parties."

"Why is that?"

"Well, sir, if we were there, Mr. Pippin would be there, too."

"And?"

"Well, meanin' no disrespect, sir, but if Mr. Pippin were there, there'd be no food left and it really wouldn't be a good party without food."

"No, it wouldn't."

"Then it must be a fine party."

"I'm sure it is, Sam. It must be..."

* * *

May 8, 2004


	5. Stories

"Stories" by Tialys

* * *

"Sam, where? Here -- move over, I can't see."

"Well, he's right there, Mr. Pippin. Through that patch of weeds to the left."

"Wh -- I..."

"See?"

"Yes. Sam... is that _him_?"

"Aye."

"On the log?"

"Yes, shh. Quieter."

"Sorry. That's really him?"

"Aye. Gollum."

"How long has he been there?"

"He's been following us the past few nights, sir. But you can really see him good tonight... he's gettin' careless."

"Wow. It's like he's just jumped out of Uncle Bilbo's stories! And he's here and..."

"What?"

"Oh Sam, it wasn't supposed to be like this!"

"Wh -- Come back! What do you mean, Mr. Pippin?"

"We weren't supposed to ever _see_ him! He was a story! And he was supposed to stay that way."

"Oh..."

"...And he's real now, and..."

"Following us -- downriver on a log."

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"We're part of the story now, aren't we?"

"Aye, I suppose we are, sir."

"Ours is a lot different from Bilbo's."

"Aye..."

"This will make a great story to tell him when we get back! We saw Gollum, just like he did! I wonder if we'll have to play riddle games with him, too?"

"I hope not, Mr. Pippin. I hope this is a close to him as we get."

"Sam, there's no fun in that!"

"Maybe not, but it sure seems a whole lot safer."

"Fine, you don't have to meet him, but I want to."

"For your sake, sir, I hope you never do."

"Aw, Sam! That's not fair!"

"Look at him, sir! He could rip you in two!"

"He's really thin, Sam."

"Maybe, but he's also strong."

"How can you tell?"

"He's followed us for three days down this great river! On just a log! I would love to see you try that."

"Doesn't mean he could beat me."

"It sure helps his cause."

"Oh..."

"Forget it, Mr. Pippin. You should get some sleep."

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to be part of the story anymore."

"Me neither, Mr. Pippin."

* * *

May 19, 2004


	6. Adventures

"Adventures" by Tialys

* * *

"Hullo, cousin!"

"Hm?"

"Wake _up_, Frodo! You've slept all day -- not to mention the weeks you were snoring after you and Sam came back -- and you _still_ haven't heard about all my adventures."

"Pippin? What's the time?"

"Um... oh, I don't know, Frodo, you know I never keep track of stuff like that!"

"That you don't."

"And I also have not heard all about yours."

"My...?"

"Adventures, of course."

"I would hardly call them that, Pippin."

"Well I know that isn't the exact term but it will do for now and you are trying to change the subject."

"I have heard some of your adventures, Pip."

"Not the best of them!"

"Perhaps not... alright Master Took, you may begin."

"Sit up, Frodo, so I know you won't fall asleep again!"

"Pip --"

"Come on, or I shall drag you up myself."

"There. Happy?"

"Very. Now I can begin."

"_Do_."

"What?"

"Begin, silly Took!"

"Where? Honestly, cousin, I can't just start and tell you the whole thing in one day! You'd never remember it all that way."

"My apologies. Where would you prefer to start?"

"Pick anything. I'm sure you've heard bits and pieces from Merry already."

"Pip?"

"Yes?"

"Did... did a troll _really_ fall on you?"

"Oh, that's a good one! Well, you know it _had_ to have. Why else would I have such huge bruises? You see, I was turned one way and -- Frodo?"

"Hm. Oh -- yes, Pip?"

"Are you alright."

"Yes... yes. I'm fine, Pip, go on."

"Well, you've probably heard the rest."

"Pip..."

"Yes?"

"Silly Took... you need to be more careful..."

"Oh really? This from the hobbit that was stung by a giant spider! Truly, Frodo, you cannot be that judgmental when you have had worse happen."

"Yes... I suppose I have."

"I'm fine, cousin."

"Sorry, Pip. I know you are... I'm just being foolish..."

"Ah, that's alright. After all, you don't know what it's _really_ like to face something like that."

"Oh, I don't? I'll have you, know, Pip, I have seen --"

"I didn't say you haven't _seen_ things like that. I mean that you haven't fought and defeated such creatures!"

"What... I --"

"No, cousin, you simply were stung by the spider. Sam _defeated_ it. _I_, however --"

"Slew the troll yourself."

"Exactly."

"Apologies, Pip. Even if you didn't have enough sense to move away from your falling adversary."

"What?!"

"Really, Pippin. How on earth could you forget to move away once the troll was falling? You could have been killed! In quite an embarrassing way, too."

"Ah. Well, you've got me there, cousin."

"I thought as much."

"You think too much."

"Better than not enough."

"Well, I _was_ wrong in one point."

"Just the one?"

"Yes."

"Which?"

"Well, there _are_ other ways to receive such bruises than from a troll falling on you."

"Later, Peregrin_. Later_."

* * *

May 18, 2004


End file.
